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Angel Cartel

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I hated being a kid [06 Dec 2016|12:49am]
Eleven years later I reflect on my posts. I hated being a teenager. That's good to know because sometimes I forget and wish I could get some years back.

I'm happy to see my spelling and grammar were always on point.
it just had to be...

How I like my men... Wasn't so [14 Sep 2014|02:47am]
I had a pretty cute 21 year old Taurus recently come into my life. I didn't expect him to fall for me the way he did. It was such a great burst of energy I felt from him and it reminded me of how passionate I used to be when I would dive into a guy I liked without precaution... When I was 21, like him.

The way he sees things, his goals, his priorities, his theories... all seemed so juvenile to me. I been through it already. I don't know why I even entertained this kid after I asked his age... but I guess it was because I love attention. I love a good ego-boost and he sure did give him. It was great to hear someone say they think so highly of me. Even to the point where he said he felt small being around me.

In the same token, I wasn't trying to make him feel small. I was explaining to him the reasons I don't want to be with him... and his immaturity was a key factor.

And while I love attention and compliments, he somehow managed to make that annoying. It was too forced. Almost like, he was saying those things in hopes of not losing me.

I thought I would like a man who relentlessly praises me but after this experience, I truly don't.
it just had to be...

Years later... Not the same person. [19 Aug 2014|12:43am]
It's been years since I've logged on and written an entry on here. I was doing a paper-journal but even that has been ignored for months due to Twitter. Twitter really feeds my need to vent and write...

Anyways, I'm 25 now and not where I thought I would be by this age. The funny thing is, I was where I wanted to be at 22/23. I had a nice apartment in New Jersey (I could see New York from my window), I had a good job in Manhattan and I was living with a close friend of mine. I felt so powerful, independent and free.

Every night was a party, there was always something to do. It was great. Even though my shifts were 14 hours a day at the Urgent Care. I was barely home to enjoy my apartment. Not to mention, I was flirting and sleeping around at different boys' houses...

It was the fastest and greatest experience a young twenty-something can ask for. That was, until, Hurricane Sandy happened. I ended up losing my job and I knew at that point my time in my apartment was numbered.

When I lost my job, I just started partying all the time to enjoy my last few months in Jersey. I had great connections which allowed me to go to all the parties for free and drink for free. I was dating a Pisces named Will at the time...

At the time, I felt like losing my apartment, losing Will and losing my job was the ultimate failure. I felt like it was the worst thing that could happen to me. In reality, when I came back to Connecticut, I realized I was actually sick and underweight. I didn't realize how skinny I have gotten and how bad I started to look. Also, Will turned out to have HIV and I discovered that before leaving Jersey. Luckily, we never had intercourse... but we did do oral and I cried when I found out from a friend of mine he was sick. I was drunk and started crying in the middle of 42nd street. I got tested when I came back to CT and thankfully I was ok.

When I came back to CT, I moved in with my sister. Which was depressing because she has 4 kids. I love my nieces and nephew but it gets very draining to be around children all the time. I love my sister though and I appreciate her taking me in. She kept me as happy as she could... We have a great relationship and we would sleep everyday in the living room just watching TV together and talking. I miss that sometimes... However, overall, I got really depressed being there. Just not having space from the chaos of four kids and me not working and being able to help myself... It got really depressing. I ended up moving in with my Mom February of this year.

Prior to my move to Jersey, I had good luck in finding jobs in Connecticut. This was not the case upon my return. I returned to CT in February 2013... and just now in August 2014 have I landed my new job in a Hospital. It will be my highest paying position to date and I'm extremely thankful.

That long period of being unemployed and being broke was the most life changing experience of my life. I used to be such an ass, such an elitist and so arrogant. I was always the guy with money to blow, with the good job, with the nice clothes, with all the shit that doesn't mean anything. I think that's the reason I used to be so easy. I had confidence in what I possessed but not in myself. Losing my power, showed me how to be humble. How to be compassionate. How to value myself for WHO I AM and not WHAT I HAVE. I learned now that my personality is my greatest asset. I can get what I want by just being me. It also showed me, who my real friends were. I'm happy I can say I have true friends who stood by my side when I had nothing. Unlike other friends who did nothing but spread rumors about me and tarnish my reputation in the scene. I don't let things like that bother me anymore. I've learned to not feed into negativity and I've learned to live above it.

Right now, even though I haven't started work yet (I start Sept 15th), I feel like I'm the best version of myself I've ever been. I'm the happiest, most physically fit I've ever been. I've been working out and I now weigh 155, from the 122 I came back to CT as. I have a great opportunity ahead of myself. In the love sense... I have such a greater comprehension of what I have to offer as a person. I have a potential I'm talking to right now but it's too soon to see what it can evolve into, if anything.

I'm still unsure if I want something serious. I've held tight to a theory that I did not want a relationship until I hit 30. I just feel that your 20s is something you should experience single. However, I am human and I get lonely. I'm just going to go with the flow and see how things naturally happen. I don't want to block something good happening because of a stupid preconceived notion of how my life should play out.

I've never been in an official relationship. I just feel like I need to be settled first! I still do. Right now, I can't even see the guy I'm talking to unless it's in his car or at the park... I want to have my own place, where he can come over and we can spend time like a normal couple.

I can't wait to start making moves again. September 15th cannot come fast enough. Of course, it's still going to take a lot of time. In the interim of my unemployment, I have allocated a lot of debt. So many things I need to get back in order, dammit...
it just had to be...

Is anybody listening? [14 Jan 2013|09:57pm]
Does anybody still use LJ? Should I get back on here and get on my LJ grind? I feel like Twitter has killed LJ indefinitely... :(
it just had to be...

[one] i'm not being fair [05 Apr 2006|08:01pm]

friends only.
comment to be added.

- comments here and there
- update once a week
- enough common sense to put long entries under a LJ cut
- type proper english, or close to it
7 broke the window|it just had to be...

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